7/21/08: NWA Anarchy TV Report, Episode #127: YEOW! It's a gorill-ill-ill-ill-la! Slimebal
7/21/08: NWA Anarchy TV Report, Episode #127: YEOW! It's a gorill-ill-ill-ill-la! Slimebal
Jul 21 2008, 05:13 PM
Rez Dog 49
Joined: 25-June 06
From: Southside Richmond, VA
Member No.: 14
NWA Anarchy TV Report
July 21, 2008
This week’s edition of NWA Anarchy TV features footage from the May 17 & May 31 TV tapings.
WRESTLING: (n.) \’res-ling\ A sport of contest in which two individuals face off in unarmed combat.
ANARCHY: (n.) \an-ar-key\ (1) A state of lawlessness due to absence of authority. (2) A complete lack of order.
What happens when you mix the two together? NWA-Anarchy!
- Welcome to NWA Anarchy Wrestling, this is PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING~! John Johnson suffered the ultimate humiliation during Fanfest 2008 after Jerry Palmer sentenced him to the dunking tank. (I can only imagine how much fun everyone had by literally drowning their favorite heel color commentator.) Last week, Shadow Jackson & Slim J became the #1 contenders to the NWA Anarchy Tag Team Champions the Devil’s Rejects and earned a title shot, which will occur tonight. This week, Shatter attempts to unseat Iceberg in a one on one match with Kimo and the Rejects banned from ringside.
1. NWA Anarchy TV Champion “0% Body Fat” Truitt Fields squashed Jay Clinton in a non-title match.
Clinton wastes no time assaulting the TV champ by attacking him before the bell. Fields quickly recuperates from Clinton’s attack and dominates his overmatched adversary. Fortunes apparently change for Clinton on a running STO, but Fields kicks out at one and HULKS UP~! (What happened the body slam, the Big Boot, and the Legdrop of Doom?) One Killing Fields later and Clinton’s political career is over. Wait a minute, wrong Clinton.
COMMENTS: Nice squash.
- Agent/Attorney Jeff G. Bailey admits that despite having a charcoal heart he can show compassion and pity upon poor hapless jobber enhancement talent. He offers Bo Newsome the opportunity of a lifetime: spend one minute unleashing his offensive prowess on Kimo.
2. “The Butcher of Pyongyang” Kimo slaughtered and massacred Bo “Is Going to Die” Newsome.
Newsome reveals his master plan with a potent offense that might injure a pet gerbil (notice how I’m dripping with sarcasm here) until Bailey mutters instructions in Korean to Kimo. Within seconds Kimo leaves Newsome squealing uncle after he completely dissects his fragile body.
COMMENTS: Newsome should have had a V8 or exercised his 2nd Amendment rights.
3. The New Wave (Derek Driver & Steven Walters) & Mikal “Putting Out More Lights in a Fight than Con Edison” Judas & “the 7 Figured Deal” Ace Rockwell defeated Todd “the Jerk” Sexton & Chad “Numero Uno” Parham & “Untouchable” Jeremy Vain & “the 1 Man Insurance Policy” Mr. Rob Adonis w/Seth Delay.
This match started out as pure Hades for the rudo contingent. In fact, the rudo contingent spent much of the match on the defensive. Sorry Sexton, you ain’t getting any love from Rockwell. Johnson notes that Judas hasn’t taken his eyes off of Vain. Hunter provides an English lesson for Johnson. Judas eventually receives the tag that sends Vain scurrying to his corner. Parham tags in and smartly tags out to the much larger Mr. Adonis. Judas happily greets Mr. Adonis with the Mr. Saito suplex. Judas sends Mr. Adonis flying to the floor with the Kick of Fear! Sexton & Parham head in the ring to find themselves on the wrong end of a double suplex after escaping a double goozle. That was awesome. This leaves Vain alone with Judas, which sends the Untouchable scurrying for a second time. If I were the heels at this point, I think I’d be making a call to Jeff G. Bailey or make sure my life insurance was up to date. After commercial, Vain devours Mr. Adonis’s boot after Driver ducks. Judas receives the hot tag and he cleans house, including Delay. Judas no sells a superkick and goozles Sexton. Parham seeks to take advantage by visiting the High Rent District and leaps right into Judas’ clutches. Judas double chokeslams Parham & Sexton straight to Hades. Judas successfully repels an attack by Mr. Adonis with the dreaded Kabuki Red Mist™. (RIP Gary Hart.) Shouldn’t that be an automatic DQ? I guess the referees are truly scared of Judas as I probably would be, too. Vain aborts a third Pearl Harbor job on Judas. With Judas chasing Vain out the NWA Arena, Rockwell is left with Sexton. Rockwell effectively manhandles Sexton. Rockwell abandons the cover when Parham leaps in with a senton. This certainly isn’t a good day for the rudo contingent. The New Wave double dropkick Numero Uno and then turn to Seth Delay. Well, Jerry Palmer has had enough of Delay’ shenanigans and pulls him back down to the floor by his britches. Parham & Delay confronts Palmer as Johnson bitches and complains about the NWA Anarchy Owner. The New Wave quickly shut up Parham & Delay with dualing slingshot planchas. Back in the ring, Rockwell puts Sexton away with the Ace’s High. Afterwards, Sexton gets his heat back by hiptossing Ace’s brother, George, pulling him into the ring and applying a crossface. That was awesome heel tactic. Sexton makes a superb slime ball heel.
COMMENTS: The heels virtually got no offense here.
4. “The Alter of Human Mutilation” Iceberg w/”the Reverend” Dan Wilson & the Staff of Righteousness pinned “the Universal Solider” Phil Shatter w/Jeff G. Bailey to retain the NWA Anarchy Heavyweight Title.
Since Rockwell coughed up the title to Shatter last year, the NWA Anarchy Heavyweight Title has been truly for the Heavyweights. Iceberg has lost tons of weight and Shatter is cut beyond belief. Believe me, Shatter has a WWE physique and it wouldn’t surprise me if Johnny Ace scooped him up. Iceberg gains the early advantage by working over Shatter at ringside. Iceberg sets Shatter on the opposite side of the ringside barricade, but the Universal Soldier pays homage to Rick Rude with the Rude Awakening on it. Shatter sets the steps aside before applying the ground and pound technique on Iceberg. Shatter breaks the 10 count to prevent losing the opportunity of winning the Anarchy title and counters a charging Iceberg with a spinebuster. Shatter continues to pound Iceberg at ringside before breaking the referee’s count. They brawl back to the ringside steps where Iceberg drops Shatter on the steps with a cutter. Brutal. The Dragon rushes over to laugh over Shatter’s carcass. Funny. With the advantage, Iceberg chases Bailey before flinging Shatter back into the ring. Iceberg clotheslines Shatter for a two count. Shatter fires back with kicks and a middle rope double axe handle. After commercial, Iceberg applies a crossface right in front of Bailey’s face. Big mistake by Iceberg. Bailey rakes Iceberg’s eyes with the referee’s back turned. Shatter takes advantage with a boot to the head for a two count. Bailey gets into the action by waylaying on Iceberg. Shatter tries to lift Iceberg, but the No Pain Train ain’t going nowhere except down after a clothesline. Shatter measures Iceberg for a corner splash and catches himself in time when Iceberg eludes him. Shatter outquicks Iceberg for a German release suplex. Shatter makes the cover, but Iceberg kicks out. Shatter sets up for the PTSD powerbomb, but Iceberg counters with an air raid crash for a two count. That drew a pop from the crowd. Iceberg heads to the middle turnbuckle where Shatter cuts him off. Shatter sets up for a superplex, but Wilson grasps Shatter’s ankle and Iceberg falls on top for the victory.
COMMENTS: This was a good match, but it lacked the magical moments of their previous encounters. Still, these two worked a very brutal match.
5. “The Leader of Shadowmania” Shadow Jackson & “the Real” Slim J defeated the Devil’s Rejects (“the Sleeper Cell” Shaun Tempers & Azreal) w/Dan Wilson & the Staff of Righteousness via DQ so the Rejects retain the NWA Anarchy Tag Team Titles.
Slim and Azreal kick off the festivities by displaying kick ass mat, chain and counter wrestling. These two are always a treat to watch in the ring together. They knock out each other with dualing kicks to the face. Tempers and Shadow tag in. The crowd explodes with a deafening “Shadow” chant. Shadow provides Tempers with a nice wrestling lesson until an eye gouge. The Rejects employ an odd strategy by working over Shadow. Even the good old Reverend gets in the act by choking Shadow with the Staff of Righteousness. The crowd rallies big time behind Shadow, but the Rejects continue to dominate. After commercial, Azreal clotheslines Shadow. Tempers receives the blind tag with Slim arguing with the referee. Shadow backs Tempers into his corner to make the tag. Slim J goes buck wild on Azreal and then Tempers. Slim makes the cover for a two count after a seated enziguri. This time around, the Rejects go to town on Slim. Slim tries to make a comeback with a slingshot somersault rana, but Azreal powerbombs him through the mat. Slim’s body ricochets like a rubber ball. That just shows you how good these two are together. Azreal counters any comeback attempts with a brainbuster. Nasty. Shadow makes the save on the pinfall attempt. Azreal heads to the middle turnbuckle and misses a frogsplash. Slim crawls to make the hot tag, but the referee disallows it when Tempers distracts the referee. The Reject’s garner more heat with the old blind tag trick. There’s nothing like pissing off the crowd to get them to rally behind their heroes even more, especially when it is used in moderation. After applying a cobra clutch, Tempers short arm clotheslines Slim for a two count. The fans begin to chant “new ref!” Slim finally fires back and nails the Screwdriver on the Rocks on Tempers. Slim forward rolls to his corner to make the hot tag. Shadow cleans house as any good face does in a tag match. Shadow sends both Rejects flying over the top rope to the floor. Slim mounts the top turnbuckle and wipes out the Rejects with a major league corkscrew plancha. Hector Garza Jr. would be shitting in his pants if he saw that spot. With the faces in control, the rulebreaking duo (you know, Apter mag terminology) of the Konkrete Gorillas assault Slim at ringside. Shadow joins in the melee that turns this into a brawl that not even Pier 6 could hold. Wilson looks for the belts as the Rejects escaped unsaved. That’s what they think. The NWA Elite unleash a huge assault on the Rejects. Bailey commandeers the tag titles Wilson dropped and poses victoriously in mid ring.
COMMENTS: This match had a definite big time feel to it and came across that way. The Gorillas’ attack came off at the right time and made sure the finish wasn’t cheap.
OVERALL: This was one heck of an episode. The Summer of Anarchy has begun.
Rush Limbaugh on Whoppie Goldberg: "Whoopie Goldberg is a five star imbecile, a glittering jewel of colossal ignorance."
Timmy Danger to Playboy Pete on GXW Inferno: "You're the only guy that makes Dr. Stud look like Ric Flair."
Comedian Wanka Sykes on Rush Limbaugh: "Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails; I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that's what he needs."
The Joker in Batman: Arkham Asylum: "Too easy! Played you like a violin, then cut your strings!"
An exchange between Pharaoh and a backwoods fan at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington, NC:
Pharaoh: I'm a GOD, do you hear me?
Fan: God's up there.
Pharaoh: NO!!!! I'm a god, you eunuch.
Fan: God is WHITE!
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