10/27/08: NWA Anarchy TV Report, Episode #141: The Dynamic Duo Strike Back at the Altar Boy!
10/27/08: NWA Anarchy TV Report, Episode #141: The Dynamic Duo Strike Back at the Altar Boy!
Nov 18 2008, 12:25 AM
Rez Dog 49
Joined: 25-June 06
From: Southside Richmond, VA
Member No.: 14
NWA Anarchy TV Report
October 27, 2008
WRESTLING: (n.) \’res-ling\ A sport of contest in which two individuals face off in unarmed combat.
ANARCHY: (n.) \an-ar-key\ (1) A state of lawlessness due to absence of authority. (2) A complete lack of order.
What happens when you mix the two together? NWA-Anarchy!
- Welcome to NWA Anarchy, this is PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING~! This week on NWA Anarchy, Ace Rockwell counteracts the Dynamic Duo by teaming with Chad Parham's old tag partner Luke Hawx, and Mr. Adonis challenges Truitt Fields for the NWA Anarchy TV Title.
1. "NWA Anarchy's Whipping Boy" TK Kross defeated "Kurtis Blow's Favorite Wrestler" Kareem Abdul Jamar and Anthony "Don't Call Me Mark" Henry and Chris "Young Lion's" Mayne.
Only old school hip hop fans will understand my humor surrounding Jamar. This opening contest features talent from the new Young Lion's division and is nearly impossible to keep up with. Kross wins with the tiger suplex on Henry.
2. "Straight to VCR" Jeff Lewis & "Some Random Jobber" Jay Clinton defeated "Merciless" Don Matthews & Bo "Knows This, Bo Knows That, Bo Knows How to Wrestle, but Bo Can't Rap" Newsome.
This match is joined in progress. Wow, everything seems choppy this far: no recap of last week's episode featuring the major standoff between Shadow Jackson and Iceberg, an opener that probably should have served as a dark match and a match joined in progress. Okay, so I've trashed everyone involved with the editing process. Bad Ca$hflow, bad Ca$hflow. Down, boy! Clinton certainly has formed an alliance with Lewis and demonstrates his new found wealth of knowledge by working over Newsome's knee. Newsome channels Rick Rude and makes the hot tag. Matthews destroys Clinton with Lewis in no hurry to be sent straight to VCR. So he waits in hiding, makes the blind tag and pulls the wool over Matthews' eyes with a roll-up. Afterwards, Clinton gloats by performing the Jarrett Strut. Matthews makes him pay with the Lariat of DOOM~! Fun ending.
3. Malachi pinned Kaleb "Who Needs Sex" Conley.
These joined in progress matches are beginning to unravel my nerves. A short video package would have sufficed for this segment. Malachi garners the victory by countering a rana with a powerbomb. Afterwards, the Law Offices of Talent & Money (JT Talent & Andrew Pendleton III) head out to scorn their fellow partner for losing to known enhancement talent. Sigh, Talent & Money without Sex is like a breast without a nipple, it just ain't right. This immediately turns into a beatdown of Conley. Johnson comments, "Who needs Sex anyway?" Well, Sex is one of the essentials! DUH~! Malachi makes the save.
- "The Master of Ceremonial Disasters" Greg Hunter heads out to interview the new NWA Anarchy Tag Team Champions the New Wave. The last time Hunter interviewed anyone was the New Wave. Hunter upheld his reputation by having Bailey rambling about how awesome the NWA Elite are to only have them get embarrassed by the New Wave. Hunter runs down the list of opponents they have defeated which sounds like a who's who of tag teams in NWA Anarchy. The New Wave act the old school humble babyfaces until Talent & Money proclaims themselves a real tag team. Then all comers head out to answer the challenge, the Friday Night Franchise, the Technicians, the Big Time Playaz, the Hollywood Brunettes and the Real NWA Elite. Oh, wait a minute, it is the real NWA Elite... Bill Behrens himself. Behrens orders the New Wave to the back and books a battle royal with the last team standing earning themselves a title shot. I can live with that.
4. The Technicians (Bob E & Tyler Smith) won a seven team battle royal to become the #1 contender to the NWA Anarchy Tag Team Titles.
ELIMINATION #1: Friday Night Franchise (Ryan Michaels & Matt "Sex" Sells) by the Big Time Playaz (Scott "Spuds" McKenzie & Danny Matthews).
ELIMINATION #2: Big Time Playaz by numerous individuals.
ELIMINATION #3: Talent & Money (JT Talent & Andrew Pendleton III) by the Hollywood Brunettes ("2 Hot 4 TV" Kyle Matthews & "the Wizard of Aaaaaaaahs" Andrew Alexander) with an assist from Kaleb Conley & Malachi. Major pop from the crowd for that elimination.
This is where it gets really stupid, every referee has their back turned to the ring while the Hollywood Brunettes eliminates both Technicians. <Rant mode begin> It's 2008 and if the referee's don't know by now what is going on in the ring when everyone else does, it exposes them as boneheaded incompetent dumb ass nitwits. This is one of the reasons why my students watch MMA instead of pro wrestling. I've seen fans turn sour on many a show on finishes like that one.</End rant mode.> Damn, I'm doing a lot of pregnant dog slapping this week.
ELIMINATION #4: The Brunettes via the archaic decrepit Dusty Finish™. (Damn, I am really bashing management this week.)
5. "0% Body Fat" Truitt Fields pinned "the Lord of Manipulative Tactics" Jeremy Vain w/Mr. Rob Adonis to retain the NWA Anarchy TV Title.
A couple of weeks ago, Vain played a game of Medical Chicken™ and sent Mr. Adonis in as his replacement. Vain squirrels his way into a title shot via role reversal. Vain plays the role of Larry Zbyszko by taking a beating until Fields makes a mistake by posting his shoulder on a corner charge. Mr. Adonis displays his admiration after a Vain flapjack on Fields' shoulder. Vain spends the next several minutes maintaining the advantage by working over Fields' shoulder. Fields finally buys himself time with a 360 monkey flip on Vain. Vain earns special points for making that face bump look like a million bucks. Fields fights back with a gorilla press slam, but continues to sell his bad arm. Seven minutes into the match, Vain sends Fields flying to the Arena floor by kicking out of roll-up. Mr. Adonis walks away from Fields. In the ring, Fields wins with a slingshot Sunset flip. Looks like Vain's plans were foiled once again. Afterwards, Vain scorns Mr. Adonis for supposedly not doing his job. With the evil duo gone, a more evil duo makes an appearance, "the Reverend" Dan Wilson and Shaun Tempers. Actually, that is a trio of evil if you count the Staff of Righteousness. Wilson announces his new agenda: the best technical wrestler in the Devil's Rejects has set his sights on the TV title. Guess what? He's going to do the things the honest way... You mean a Reject is honest? That's a new one on me. After climbing the ladder of contenders, Tempers will defeat the pretty old abs of Truitt Fields.
6. The Dynamic Duo ("the Caped Crusader" Chad Parham & "Boy Wonder" Seth Delay) defeated "The Seven Figured Deal" Ace Rockwell & "Altar Boy" Luke Hawx.
The former tag team champs exchange nice pleasantries by shaking hands early on. I call shenanigans. It was. This starts out as a battle of scientific wrestling. Seems innocent enough until Parham tags in Delay. Delay becomes the victim of a double team assault by Hawx and Rockwell. They send Parham to the floor and then backdrop Delay onto Parham. Thump! If Parham & Delay are the Dynamic Duo, I would hate to see how bad the Wonder Twins are. After commercial, Hunter announces that NWA Anarchy Heavyweight Champion "the No Pain Murder Train" and "Professional Wrestling's Only Serial Killer" Iceberg will defend against Shadow Jackson in a battle of the super heavyweights of NWA Anarchy. Parham takes advantage of a missed Rockwell Stinger splash with a leaping knee from the apron. (Notice to newbie wrestlers: notice how Parham slapped his knee to make the move seem more damaging.) Delay tags out to Numero Uno. The heels maintain the advantage on Rockwell using dastardly dynamic heel tactics. Johnson gives his props to Rockwell for having heart and determination and Hawx has been threw his wars, but never mentions the punch line. Parham prevents a leaping hot tag by Rockwell. Delay showboats and misses a second rope moonsault. Hawx receives the hot tag and battles his former tag partner. Hawx easily counters a diving Delay with an exploder suplex. This breaks down rather quickly with Parham careening Hawx' head off the middle turnbuckle and Rockwell sending Delay to the floor. The referee escorts Rockwell to his corner. With the referee distracted, Parham lands right on Hawx's knees while performing his patented senton. Ouch, that was painful to even look at. With Rockwell continuing to argue with the referee, Delay brandishes his patented specially plated brass knux and clobbers Hawx with them. Parham cradle piledrives Hawx for the victory. Score one for the Caped Crusader & Boy Wonder. Now that was good old clean wholesome fun.
OVERALL: This episode kicked into high gear once all JIP matches took place. There was way too many matches by Anarchy's standards and hurt the overall product. However, the last two matches saved the show. Please, no more JIP matches when a short video package or short skit is better.
Rush Limbaugh on Whoppie Goldberg: "Whoopie Goldberg is a five star imbecile, a glittering jewel of colossal ignorance."
Timmy Danger to Playboy Pete on GXW Inferno: "You're the only guy that makes Dr. Stud look like Ric Flair."
Comedian Wanka Sykes on Rush Limbaugh: "Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails; I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that's what he needs."
The Joker in Batman: Arkham Asylum: "Too easy! Played you like a violin, then cut your strings!"
An exchange between Pharaoh and a backwoods fan at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington, NC:
Pharaoh: I'm a GOD, do you hear me?
Fan: God's up there.
Pharaoh: NO!!!! I'm a god, you eunuch.
Fan: God is WHITE!
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