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> 1/19/09: NWA Anarchy TV Report, Episode #153: Total Anarchy on Sesame Street
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post Mar 1 2009, 02:06 PM
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NWA Anarchy TV Report
Episode 153
January 19, 2009

My five-hour trip to today’s NWA show in Sioux Falls was cut short due to a major snowstorm on Thursday and high winds today. The combination leads to blinding conditions. Our record winter continued on Thursday with 14 inches of dry fluffy snow. That’s equivalent to 5 – 6 inches of wet snow in humid climates such as the East Coast and in the Dirty South. Also, NWA Anarchy TV Reports will be posted twice a week until they are caught up. Middle school basketball season is over. We finished 9 – 1 and defeated several good reservation schools during the season. NDN Ball™ is a lot of fun. Enough of the jibber jabber, time to head for this week’s uber delayed TV report.

WRESTLING: (n.) \’res-ling\ A sport of contest in which two individuals face off in unarmed combat.
ANARCHY: (n.) \an-ar-key\ (1) A state of lawlessness due to absence of authority. (2) A complete lack of order.
What happens when you mix the two together? NWA-Anarchy!

- Welcome to NWA Anarchy, this is PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING~! Guess what? John “the Body” Johnson proclaims he is back from his vacation at the Dan Wilson Serial Killer Compound of Doom. Last week on NWA Anarchy, the Devil’s Rejects used chicanery to defeat Don Matthews & Culture Shock. The events that transpired afterwards sent ripples throughout the NWA Arena: Shaun Tempers knocked out Dan Wilson with one mighty blow and the Rejects set in for the kill. NWA Anarchy TV Champion Truitt Fields saved his #1 contender from further injury. Johnson lambastes the Master of Ceremonial Disaster for creating a riot when he interviewed Shadow Jackson. A brawl ensued when Phil Shatter and Mikael Judas lay claim as the second challenger in a three way against NWA Anarchy Heavyweight Champion Iceberg at Season’s Beatings ’08. This week they will face off to determine the third member of that match.

1. "The Son of Satan” Azreal w/”the Reverend” Dan Wilson & the Staff of Righteousness pummeled Bo “Knows Wrestling” Newsome to advance to the semifinals of the Young Lions #1 Contender Tournament.
Newsome tried his hardest to repel Azreal brutal assaults, but he could never mount a serious offensive. Azreal slaughters Newsome with the Ted Bundy.

- WTF? Jeremy Vain has front row seats to Sesame Street Live with special thanks from Brody Ray Chase? ¿Que? And then, Seth Delay enters and reminisces with the Untouchable One about going to children’s shows together. Vain has always had Delay’s back including. Of course, Vain’s “professional jealousy” prevented the Dynamic Duo from commandeering those titles a few weeks ago. Delay demands an explanation and Vain admits Mr. Adonis is hot-headed. Why? Because Vain & Mr. Adonis will become tag team champs. Yeah, right. Delay admonishes Vain, but he receives a wish for good luck. As Vain walks way, Delay brandishes his brass knuckles, but Mr. Adonis has other ideas. He gently reminds Delay to tick his nice and shiny brass knuckles back where they belong: in his pants. Delay soils himself and calls up Chad Parham.

2. Talent & Money (JT Talent & Andrew Pendleton III) defeated NWA Anarchy Tag Team Champions the New Wave (Derrick Driver & Steven Walters) in a non-title match.
Jeremy Vain joins on commentary. Johnson wishes a successful holiday season to Vain & Mr. Adonis. The rudo broadcasting contingent spend time lambasting Hunter. Vain admits he continues to suffer back pain from carrying Hunter on commentary. Wow, that was low. Hunter reminds Vain about the last time out he meddled with the tag champs. Johnson accuses the New Wave of being cowards for participating in a non-title match. Unfortunately, Johnson derived his information from a second hand source, the illegal alien (if I hear anyone say undocumented worker, I will punch you right in the throat) Alejandro. Hunter informs Johnson that the title committee picks the title match and they felt T & M is not worthy of the shot. I say sacrilege. Vain continues to obloviate for this bodyguard. After commercial, T & M work over Walters. Johnson further harasses Hunter. Stevens finally receives the hot tag and this turns into a Pier 6 Brawl. Vain heads in to get a closer look of the action and they receive dualing dropkicks for their action. It was all a smokescreen because Talent wins with a Standing Ovation. Afterwards, Vain & Mr. Adonis scorn T & M after Hunter announces they are the new #1 contenders to the NWA Anarchy Tag Team Titles. It looks like Vain’s master plan backfired in his face.

3. “2 Hot for TV” Kyle Matthews pinned “the Wizard of Aaaaaaaahs” Andrew Alexander to advance to the semifinals of the Young Lions #1 Contender Tournament.
After commercial, this evenly matched contest continues. After trading several near falls, Matthews knocks the Aaaaaaaahs out of Alexander with a dropkick to the ribs. Alexander escapes a superplex, but Matthews connects on a second attempt. Matthews wins after countering a pinfall attempt. Both men shake hands and hug afterwards. This match felt extremely flat because this appeared to be slung together just for the sake of having tag partners face each other. Their first singles encounter in NWA Anarchy needed more buildup and held off at least into the semifinals. For that reason, this match was flat.

- NWA Anarchy isn’t complete without an appearance from Dan Wilson or G. Jeff Bailey. Bailey has a trick up his sleeve for Ace Rockwell, especially after Wes Grissom was left puking up blood from injuries to his internal organs. Yep, Ace is a coward who hid behind a referee and hiding behind NWA Anarchy Owner Jerry Palmer who handed Kimo a ridiculous suspension. That’s pretty big allegations from the ultimate coward (and one of the greatest managers in modern wrestling.) Now, Bailey is mad that Palmer is forcing the Universal Soldier to wrestle a match to prove he is the #1 contender. Tonight, Shatter will continue his unbeaten streak against Shatter.

4. “The Priest of Punishment” Mikael Judas vs. “the Universal Soldier” Phil Shatter ended in a double countout so neither man earns a shot an NWA Anarchy Heavyweight Champion Iceberg.
It seems like Judas never learned his lesson when Bailey was his manager: never turn your back on the opposition. Shatter takes advantage of a distracted Judas by pummeling and assaulting him at ringside. Shatter uses a folding chair to choke Judas by the announcer’s booth. To the entranceway, Shatter suplexes Judas on the ramp. The crowd rallies behind Judas as Shatter tosses him in to the ring to finally begin the match. Judas buys himself time by reversing the PTSD powerbomb with the Alabama Slam. Shatter posts his shoulder on a turnbuckle charge. Judas sets up for the chokeslam, but Shatter reverses fate with a spinebuster for a two count. Shatter is left befuddled as the crowd continues to rally behind Judas. Again, Judas buys himself time with a knee and a butterfly suplex on the middle turnbuckle. Judas makes the cover for a near fall. Judas lands the Mafia kick, but Shatter has enough in the tank to shove the Priest of Punishment to the floor. Shatter posts and mugs Judas at ringside. Both men continue to brawl at ringside as the referee counts both men out. Heading to commercial, Judas clotheslines Shatter over the rope to the floor.

- Palmer heads out to remind to remind Bailey that whatever happens in his building is his business. Bailey whines about Shatter being the #1 contender. Palmer reminds Bailey that this is not the BCS, there are no computers to rank opponents, and it will be settled with a 1-2-3. To settle matters, he books a rematch on December 6 with the stipulation that somebody big and bad enough to officiate the match: Shadow Jackson. Bailey, Johnson and Hunter all soil themselves when the announcement of Shadow being an NWA official for one week. The crowd chants “Shadowmania” to voice their pleasure. Shadow doesn’t care who wins because he is already in the match. He has intentions of the People’s Champion becoming the Heavyweight Champion at Season’s Beatings.

DOWNLOAD: http://www.nwaanarchy.net/tv.html

Rush Limbaugh on Whoppie Goldberg: "Whoopie Goldberg is a five star imbecile, a glittering jewel of colossal ignorance."
Timmy Danger to Playboy Pete on GXW Inferno: "You're the only guy that makes Dr. Stud look like Ric Flair."
Comedian Wanka Sykes on Rush Limbaugh: "Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails; I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that's what he needs."

The Joker in Batman: Arkham Asylum: "Too easy! Played you like a violin, then cut your strings!"

An exchange between Pharaoh and a backwoods fan at the Carolina Sports Arena in Burlington, NC:
Pharaoh: I'm a GOD, do you hear me?
Fan: God's up there.
Pharaoh: NO!!!! I'm a god, you eunuch.
Fan: God is WHITE!
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